Though couples don’t discuss this until either of them can no longer bear it, many marriages are known to be practically sexless!
And we are not necessarily talking about older couples or people who may have been married for several decades and may therefore be assumed to have “seen it all.”
Sexologists are saying that even among young couples, a marriage can become sexless because of stress and other challenges.
One report suggests that an estimated 15-20 percent of married persons consider their relationship “sexless.” And though there is no universal agreement with regard to what constitutes a sexless marriage, some researchers suggest that six months without sex is a reasonable standard to meet the criteria for “sexless,” while others suggest that one year is a more realistic benchmark — especially for couples who have kids.
READ ALSO: How often should couples have sex?
And while each couple should be allowed to define the phenomenon on their own, truth is, no one can be truly happy if a partner seems to get his/her sexual satisfaction elsewhere; or if s/he can’t be bothered about the need for sex!
What to do
If a lack of sex is interfering with your happiness and relationship satisfaction, consider these strategies to help you and your partner to create a sexual re-connection.
Warning: These discussions require sensitivity, so don’t have them in the bedroom while trying to persuade your partner to have sex.
So, here we go…
• Realise that it’s perfectly normal to have no or low interest in sex, just as it’s perfectly normal to be highly interested in sex.
• Sometimes we lose interest in sex because it’s simply not exciting or satisfying.
• Don’t make excuses unless you’re working towards divorce or separation.
• Have a conversation about why you’ve stopped having sex and how you feel about it.
• Agree on this: Do you both want to start having sex again or is it one-sided?
• Do you want to have sex once per month? Once per week? Do you want to change the way you have sex (e.g. take it more slowly, touch more, or make it more intimate)?
• Address resentment and underlying issues. If you’re holding onto anger or resentment, work through your issues so that you can do your part to reignite the sexual flame.
• If you’re angry or resentful, do something about it — it’s not your partner’s job to address your emotions.
Adapted from Astroglide